January 2007


In regards to your column, posted on ESPN today.

Dear Bill:

I feel that you may have gone a little overboard in heaping praise upon the Suns in your latest column. Sure, if Steve Nash had hit that three-pointer against Agent Zero and the Wiz and if The Good German hadn’t busted a three in the Suns’ collective face a couple weeks ago, then yes, the Suns would be riding a 28-game winning streak.

But let’s talk Mavs, Bill. The Suns have eight losses this season. Two have come against the Mavericks. The Mavs started the season 0-4, the Suns 1-5. Since that start, the Mavericks have been winning 88.8% of their games. Toss out the first four games of the year and the Mavs would be on pace for 72.8 wins this season. Since you can’t round up wins in the NBA (and you can’t on the official census, either, Mr. Every USA Household Averages 1.7 Children Census Guy), we’ll go ahead and give the Mavs 72 wins, thus tying them with the ’95-’96 Bulls for the most wins ever. But you already knew that, didn’t you, SportsGuy?

In winning Western Conference Player of the Week honors this past week, Dirk Nowitzki averaged averaged 32.5 points, 8.5 rebounds, 3.5 assists and 1.0 steals. And that includes only 11 points in 25 minutes in a blowout win against the Blazers. Or read John Hollinger’s latest column (you do have ESPN Insider, don’t you?). He declares that if Josh Howard was hitting the free agent market this summer he’d command a maximum contract. You can take all the Boris Diaws you want, but give me Howard. As a last resort, we could always talk about the Mavs’ fourth quarter defense this season, which kinda dwarfs any defensive improvements the Suns may have made.

Yes, the Suns are a great team, but they’re not iconic. To mention them in the same sentence as your 80’s Celtics, well, that almost seems a little ridiculous. So take your hand out of Amare Stoudamire’s pants, stop giving Steve Nash a belly rub, and give some credit where credit is due. Also, thanks for writing, ’cause you’re really funny.

Respectfully,

Parker in Dallas

P.S. If the refs had known last summer that Dwyane Wade is, in fact, not made of porcelain, then your column probably would have been about the chances of a Mavs’ repeat and talk of establishing dynasties, but I digress.

First things first. I bought a new (slightly used) car this weekend, a 2006 Honda Civic.

New Car = Car Payments = Responsibility = Oh Fuck.

Secondly, I just registered to ride my bike in the Sam’s Club MS 150. As the name of the race suggests, it benefits multiple sclerosis research. Each rider has to raise $300 in donations. If you’re reading this and would like to throw a couple dollars my way, I’d appreciate it very much. And any donation is tax deductible, so you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.*

MS 150

E-mail me at parker.hevron@gmail.com if you’re interested.

*Caddyshack reference

Bought two new CDs at Good Records today:

Red Monroe - Red Monroe

Red Monroe – Red Monroe

And …

The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America

The Hold Steady – Boys and Girls in America

Red Monroe is a local band. According to the guy at the record store (and Sam at BigDlittled ), their debut album sounds like Radiohead-circa-Pablo Honey era. I’ve heard the band Travis before, so I decided to pass on the debut and get their latest record instead. From the two tracks I heard in my car on the way back to work it sounds like Doug Martsch of Built to Spill and Isaac Whatever His Last Name Is of Modest Mouse got together (sexually), had a child, and named it Red Monroe. Not a bad thing at all, really.

The Hold Steady, on other hand, really like power chords. A lot of power chords. And big, sweeping Bruce Springsteen choruses thrown down in the middle of songs about drinking and hooking up. Thumbs up.